08:20am
today, i begin again. i renew my quest to find ME. it is strange though, to start writing again as if a whole five years worth of thoughts have not accumulated in my head. but is there really an accumulation? i feel superficial. i feel shallow because i seem to have lost my facility for words, or did i even have that facility? what i write appears to me to be a diminution of what i truly mean to say.
but i will press on as obstinately as i had once ignored these reverberations in my ears.
when i was a lot younger, i used to have difficulty throwing things away for fear that i might lose something of great value. i was forever suspecting that some piece of paper may hold a clue when i try to remember something in the past. so even my list of to-do's and to-buys as a teen-ager have survived to this day. well, some of them. but still. at that time, my books were the greatest of my earthly possessions.
one loss was irreplaceable because i had the notion that my personality was stamped on each book once it has been read by me. losing one was tantamount to losing a part of me and buying a replacement does not eradicate the loss.
i used to never tire of writing thank you notes, birthday letters, good luck wishes to those who matter to me.
i have since travelled so far from what i consider to be the best version of myself. things used to mean so much. how have they become so empty now? i mean i still love to read but a lot of my favorite novels have now been torn or split apart by my three little rascals. and i didn't even feel a pang. 
my first dvd of Interview with the Vampire was never returned to me, yet i lost interest in getting it back. four of my greatest friends now have their kids and even a simple text message is such a task. i love them,yes...TO BE CONTINUED...
my first dvd of Interview with the Vampire was never returned to me, yet i lost interest in getting it back. four of my greatest friends now have their kids and even a simple text message is such a task. i love them,yes...TO BE CONTINUED...